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I've been watching a lot of true crime documentaries lately (what my facscination is, I'm not sure, but obviously it's a widespread fascination otherwise why would they make series and documentaries about murder)

It has really hit home how far I have come in the last few years.

I do feel as though I need to see a councilor or someone to address my parental issues as they seem to be arising more and more the older my sister and I get and come into full adult maturity. Now I'm at a maternal age I just don't understand how my mum never had the instruct to fight back against my dad and why she chooses to be with someone who degrades both her children and his own, pure laziness not showing any care or responsibility as a parent. It just baffles me. Miranda and I are really struggling as we see his kids going through the same issues we did in our late teens. In a sense we are reliving the nightmare and seeing it happen in front of us without having control.

I'm also incredibly bewildered by how long I was under James' manipulation. Even after going against my instincts o still stayed with him and endured great pain and anxiety over the 4-5 years we were together which has never really been addressed. It took me a long time to feel comfortable and safe with David and truly believe things were good. I was so worried for so long that something bad was going to happen, things seemed to good. Now my life has panned out smoothly with david, I take the good times for granted but am really feeling an appreciation for my life.

I wish I could write more but am typing on the phone which isn't ideal.