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Oct. 21st, 2016

(no subject)

Went out for dinner tonight. Was a lovely night.
Tomorrow night Michael McIntyre, been waiting for 6 months! Can't wait. Then Sunday meeting mum, M
And C for lunch. A good weekend albeit the disgusting weather (13 and rain both days)

Oct. 17th, 2016

(no subject)

I wrote a long entry
But lost the whole thing

Basically just me whining about the weather... still cold and dreary... 14-15 degree days, lots of wind...

Oct. 11th, 2016

Unsettling dreams

Had a really long, detailed dream about Robin Williams.
I was working in New York at a cake shop and I decorated cakes with his face. They were lifelike. Somehow I got the word to him and he said he'd surprise me with something in return.
He lived in an apartment high rise and I got there, the general vibe was super sad. He pulled out some photo albums and outfits he'd worn in movies. I could tell the life had been drained out of him. He looked at the photos as if they were from a different life time, a life he'd never lived.
Night time arrived and I went into a spare room to sleep. When I woke I had a shower and my sister was sitting in the main living area. Then my mum, Damian turned up and we all sat awkwardly, not speaking.
I went to the toilet and the seat was covered in excrement. They all left and Robin had also assumed I left. He had stripped down to shower and was using another bathroom but when I peeked around I could see he was urinating on the floor. I felt so sad and creeped out.
I rushed past saying "I'm not looking, I'm not looking, goodbye!" For some reason I looked an absolute mess and the apartment exit was filled with glamorous people.
Davids cousin Bronte picked me up to drive me home and I started getting texts from Robin saying your parents were shaking their heads while u were in the bathroom because u were vomiting.
The messages were spelt incorrectly and were almost nonsensical.

I have woken up feeling out of place and just sad. I've never been affected by a celebrity death, it's a strange thought to think that some people are so invested that they mourn. When Robin Williams died I cried, and when I watch any of his films I cry. Not only was he brilliant, but there's always been an underlying sadness that is actually obvious. You look at his eyes and you can see it. Why is it so many funny people have mental health problems? Do they use humor as a facade deliberately or does it just fall into place? Why are so many intelligent, brilliant people depressed? I do believe ignorance is bliss. 100%. The more you know about humanity, the more depressing life can be. That's why I never watch the news.

I want to keep writing but it's time to get up for work. Melancholy vibes. Weather still awful. Planet day this Friday. I'm a captain, gross

Oct. 9th, 2016

General update

Yesterday was a perfect day. The weather was nice (17 but not a cloud in the sky) Did a bunch of cleaning in the morning, Miranda and I took the dogs for a long walk, David started digging up the backyard and we went and bought some shrubs and a lemon tree for the backyard. We walked around with the nicest coffee I've had and smelt flowers, it was just a really nice day.
Today was blah. I was super tired last night thinking it was the big walk we did but I woke up feeling dizzy and fuzzy. Did the grocery shopping and my head was all over the place.
Came home and did a little bit more cleaning and my head was clearer but it's really been in and out all day. Not sure what that's about.
The weather today was supposed to be 25 but there were severe winds which caused fallen trees and a power outage.
Again the weather is going to be cold (14) halfway through spring and we've yet to have more than a couple of days above 20. Most days have been 14-15. Admittedly the days are longer but just waiting for some warmth and sun.

Oct. 3rd, 2016

(no subject)

Please please please I just want some heat... some warmth....

Sep. 26th, 2016

Great balance

So after two days off work I came back to around 70-80 emails but most of them just need to be filed. It feels so good to work in a job that isn't stress filled. Yes, there are stressful times but they are balanced with calm two weeks.
I really feel grateful for having a good work-life balance. Work can be challenging and I KNOW I'm out of my league sometimes with mathematics but I'm lucky most of the reporting is already established for me.

Sep. 23rd, 2016

(no subject)

Impromptu four day weekend. Asked for yesterday off as I'm quiet at work to use up some annual leave and Sam said might as well make it a long weekend. Grateful and slightly guilty.
No plans, yesterday spent the day properly cleaning and dyed my hair.
Today I'll ask Mai if she's free and do a gym class.
The weather still isn't great otherwise I'd get the bike out for a ride.

Sep. 17th, 2016


My dog is my life. I love him so much..

Ps 5am and been awake since 3, what's wrong with me

Sep. 16th, 2016


Roller coaster of emotions week.
For a couple of days I was really convinced I was going to end things with David.
I love him so much and he brings contentment and love to my life.
Does he bring excitement? No. Is he ambitious ? Outgoing? Neither of those things. And it scares me. I'm scared I'm 29 and living like a 60 year old.
I want someone who challenges me and who wants to be challenged. He's so British. He's polite and kind and YES he will go along with my suggestions, but I'm so bored of that. I want him to be the one with goals and aspirations for a change.

I'm not sure what'll end up happening. I know he's not my soul mate, I know he's not my dream man, but I'm not his dream girl either. He's very handsome, obliging, and cares for me deeply. I should just be grateful. I am grateful. I show it in my actions every day. I just find myself wishing for more... As everybody does.

The wintry weather here has also been dragging out like nothing else which is contributing to my unstable emotions. As I complain every year, the cold, dark, dreary weather really really gets me down. We are halfway through September and are experiencing floods, constant rain/clouds and no substantial warmth, only fleeting glimpses of the sun peeking through ominous clouds.

Having girls from school over tomorrow. Kind of dreading it. Kind of not. We'll see. They all have kids and are obsessed with their children and nothing much else so conversation may be interesting.

Sep. 11th, 2016

In a glass case of emotion

Trying to process a lot of feelings at the moment
So many things going through my mind...
Do I want this life?
I want adventure

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